Remembrance
by aquagirl520
Summary: Oneshot. She's gone, but he can't seem to let her go. Last fic of this year, r&r pls! I'm starting a contest, go to chapter 5 for more info and the rules!
1. Shinichi

Happy New Year everyone!! Here's a short piece I decided to type up. Last fic of 2009!!

Disclaimer: I do not own DC.

**Remembrance**

_He hates her._

_Before, he wouldn't have believed that he could loathe someone this much._

His room was poorly lit, the glow of his computer's screen reflecting softly off the walls, casting eerie shadows all round. He had been sitting there since morning, and didn't bother to leave his chair to turn the lights on even after the sun has set.

_How could she… who is she to just waltz into his life, uninvited, unwelcomed, after confessing that she was the one who all but ruined his life?_

The glare of the screen made his eyes weary, and he blinked, but still refused to put the laptop away. He was slightly aware, due to fact that the heat generating from the CPU is scalding even through two layers of very thick blankets, that unless he gave it a rest soon, his laptop is in danger of overheating. Ignoring this for the time being though, he reached for a note pad and jotted down a phone number.

She was always so cold. Mocking. How the hell did she manage to wear down his mistrust? She was always distant, no matter how close they got as time went by, she was always a distance away. A mystery. It was as if she knew that, as a detective, he could only investigate.

He calculated the time difference between Tokyo and Los Angeles. It would be too late to call. He sighed in frustration and ran his hand messily through his tangled dark hair.

_As time passed, he saw her under a different light. He saw that there was more to the cold appearance she put on, locking everyone else out. He saw the surprise in her eyes when she finds herself accepted so easily by the Shonen Tantei. She became a friend, a nakama._

_He remembered once, on a case, a woman killed her husband because he abuses their child._

"_What makes me different?" she'd asked him, after the woman was led away by the police._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You treat me like a friend. What separates me from the killers you detest? You didn't hesitate to uncover the fact that your biggest idol murdered someone, but with me you acted differently."_

"_I… you had no choice. You needed to save your sister."_

"_She had no choice either. She was protecting her child. Yet you declare her a cold blooded killer."_

"_I…" he had no answer to that. True, her sister's life was threatened, but her drugs took away the life of many others. What makes her different? What justifies what she had done in the past, trading the lives of many for the life of her sister? He knew that had he not known her personally, he would have said that her sister was an excuse. But how can he say that she was a cold-blooded murderer when he'd seen for himself who she was inside? Kudo Shinichi would have felt little or no pity for her. Kudo Shinichi might even detest her. _

He stood up and stretched for the first time in hours. He could hear his joints crack stiffly in protest. Then in a sudden movement he switched on all the lights. His eyes narrowed, unused to the sudden brightness. He didn't care, only blinked them a few times. The dark reminded him too much of her and her lab.

_Before, it was always clear. Either you're the culprit, or you're innocent. After he met her, the line in-between blurred. No longer black or white, he saw shades of gray. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. The morals he valued and believed in was no longer as solid as they were in the past. He was gradually becoming another person, more Edogawa Conan than Kudo Shinichi, more thoughtful, more compassionate, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that change._

There was a knock on his door.

"Oi, Kudo."

"Hattori." He greeted.

The dark skinned detective nodded in response. "You're still looking for her?"

"Have you found anything?"

Heiji ignored the inquiry. "What's the point? She obviously doesn't wish to be found. What will you do even if you find her? You're hurting yourself and everyone around you. I just talked to Ran and she's worried about you!"

"Did you find anything?" Shinichi repeated.

"Kudo—"

"I KNOW!!" He roared suddenly, slamming his notes down. He didn't want to hear this. He knew his actions are hurting Ran, he knew that this is not a healthy way to go on, he knew…

But he can't let her go. She was fixed in his thoughts. He couldn't forget her smirk, her sarcasm, the way she pretended not to care when she really wanted someone to care for her. He couldn't get over her smile, the hesitant curve tugging the edge of her lips like she had forgotten how to smile, and the first time her smile truly reached her azure eyes. It drove him crazy, that after she was gone, he seemed to see her everywhere, a swirl of strawberry blonde, a laugh just like hers…

_God, he hated her. How can she come into his life, change it so completely, let him see a glimpse of her world, and then just leave, as suddenly as she had entered his life, with no more than a hurried call of farewell from the airport?_

Heiji sighed. "I called a few research facilities in Europe, asking if any new researchers had been hired recently, but I found nothing."

Shinichi nodded. He expected as much. He looked down at the number in his hand. It was the number to a lead researcher in a lab in LA. It was the last place he was able to find that had hired someone new in the past year. He was afraid to call, afraid that, like the countless times he had called a place after a long search, the answer would still be no, it wasn't who he was searching for.

"_I love you." She had said before she hung up, so softly he wasn't sure if he heard right._

_Damn it, Ai. Why do you always do this? Why wouldn't you give me a chance to reply? Did you think I would reject you? Why do you always have to assume that people won't accept you? Why did you make up your mind to leave? Why couldn't you let us have a say?_

_Why couldn't you give me a chance to say I love you too?_

He didn't care anymore. To hell with the time difference, if it really were her, than she would be up. She never knew to take care of herself. And if it wasn't her, then so what, he'd just piss off some random person whom he'll probably never meet.

"One last call, and if I still can't find her, I'll give up." He promised.

It had to end, one way or another.

"It won't solve your problems, even if you do find her." Heiji said, exasperated, but he made no other objection.

The phone rang for a long time. His heart pounding, he thought about hanging up. It is late, after all. He could call another day, there's no need to find out now—

And then, with a soft click, a soft, weary voice answered.

Such a familiar voice…

END


	2. Ran

Yay, winter break's here!! So I decided to type more of this after all, it should be a three shot, if I can manage it. My other stories will be updated soon. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own DC

The smell of coffee gradually filled the kitchen as she stirred milk into the freshly brewed double latte in her hand. In the background she could make out Okino Yoko's voice in the television, and Mouri Kogoro's drunken ramblings. Somehow the noise reminded her that she is alone even more than pure silence.

Two tickets to a Mai Kuraki concert lay on the table by her purse and cell phone, a gift from one of Kogoro's clients. She planned to ask Shinichi if he wanted to go with her, to celebrate his birthday, which she was sure he'd forgotten.

_He's changed. There's something different about him after he came back. She didn't know what it was, but she could feel the difference._

She took a sip of the coffee. Her brows furrowed.

Too bitter.

_He was trying to act like everything's normal. They went out a few times, and he was always attentive, considerate. He'd take the long way and walk home with her. They never lacked conversation or laughter. He was trying to make up for the long absence, she saw, but she could tell something was wrong. She grew up with him, and knew him well enough to know, no matter how well he concealed it, that something is on his mind._

She looked down at her cup of coffee and immediately regretted her decision in making it. It'll keep her up all night, and the last thing she needed was to toss and turn in her sleep, accompanied only by her troubled thoughts.

_He was searching for someone. She was almost certain of this. Sometimes when they're walking though a crowd he'd have a sudden flicker of recognition in his eyes, only to have the spark put out a split second later. She knew that look. It was just like the many times she thought she saw him on the streets when he was away on that case that she still knew nothing about._

She got up and dumped the coffee in the sink, feeling more than a little guilty of wasting food as the caramel colored liquid swirled down the drain. Then she picked up her cell phone and texted the beginning of a message. "Shinichi…"

_Sometimes, beside his slightly distracted voice, she could hear him typing something on the computer when she called to chat. Sometimes she stayed after school to practice for her karate tournaments, and when she passed his house late at night on her way home, she saw that the light of his room is still on. What, or who, is he searching for? What is it that he couldn't confide in her? Maybe she was just paranoid, scared that he would leave again. Maybe he was just working on another case, and didn't want to tell her until he had figured it out._

"Ran, I'm hungry~" her father whined from the living room. She turned and yelled that she would just let him go hungry if he doesn't stop being an insufferable slob, then sighed and deleted her unfinished message. If she was going to buy groceries, she would pass Shinichi's house. Ran slipped the tickets into her pocket. She could ask him to go in person.

_He's back, but at the same time he's away. His smile in genuine, but there's something missing. When he thought she wasn't looking, she sees loss in his eyes._

"Neesan!" A familiar voice called behind her.

"Heiji-kun? What are you doing here?" She wasn't really surprised to see the dark-skinned detective. He comes to Tokyo almost every once in a while, and more often than ever now that Shinichi is back.

"Kudo asked me to dig up some information on something." He answered, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Heiji… what's going on? What can't he tell me? You know, I'm sure Hakase knows, why can't he tell me?" she demanded, with an air of near desperation.

The detective of the west hesitated, as if he was going to deny knowing anything, like the times she had questioned Hakase, ending up with no result and being told that she was overreacting. But in the end he sighed and said, "You'll have to ask Kudo yourself."

He left her standing hesitantly on Shinichi's doorsteps. She debated with herself for a long time before she finally knocked, rapping her knuckles softly against the door. She knew he probably couldn't hear, and was prepared to leave when the door opened.

"Ran?" There was a wide grin on his face, which quickly dropped when he saw her anxious expression. "Is something wrong?"

"I…" She bit her lip. Her hand closed over the concert tickets inside her pocket.

That split second of wild joy she saw on his face, was the first time she saw pure happiness, complete elation and nothing else, in him since he came back. Suddenly she felt empty, hollow. She felt as if she was about to cry.

"Ran, are you okay?" he waved a hand in front of her face, worry steeped in his voice.

She shook her head and smiled, blinking. "It's nothing." She racked her brain for an excuse of being here, and found none. Instead she offered an excuse to leave. "I left Otousan at home; I should probably go before he blows the house up trying to make instant noodles."

"Oh, okay." He said, looking a little confused. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

She turned and practically fled from the house, trying and failing to steady her beating heart.

_She wanted to know, but she's afraid to ask. She didn't know which is worse, going on in ignorance, knowing that everyone around her is keeping something from her, or getting an answer she was almost sure she wouldn't want to hear, to face the situation and lose the ability to ignore all the secrecy._

She was calm when she found her way back to her home, the night's dinner in the plastic bag she held. She would ask him. Tomorrow, she'd ask him to tell her everything.

She took out her cell phone and dialed a number, waiting patiently for the person on the other line to pick up.

"Sonoko… You want to go to a concert with me?"

A/N: Well… my attempt at writing something in Ran's point of view, I hope it didn't suck too much. Please review and tell me what you think!


	3. Shiho

**I give you all huge thanks for the reviews and for putting up with my slow progress. Reviews are what keep me alive during periods of writer's block and frustration. I hope you enjoy the next part!**

Shiho

She yawned, setting the magazine in her hand aside to allow her eyes a brief rest. The thin silver watch on her delicate wrist told her that it was already half past two. The lateness of the time didn't bother her. After all, she had been up much later many a night. She merely leaned back into her chair and gave the computer screen, which is running a complicated calculation of some sort, a quick glance, fully anticipating yet another long night.

"Your coffee, Hirota-san." The voice belonged to her assistant, a freckled, thin red-head with horn-rimmed glasses.

She smiled bitterly at the new name she had bestowed upon herself. It was the same name her sister had used as an alias on that bank robbery that stole her life. The name reminded her of Akemi and the syndicate at the same time, a reminder of both keeping the will to live and living with her guard up.

The coffee was sweet. The assistant was new and hadn't been told not to put sugar in. Her brows furrowed but she said nothing, setting the cup down and continued to browse through the magazine, her forefinger tapping rather impatiently against the edge of her desk.

"Hirota-san?"

"Yes?" Shiho made a mental note to have the girl informed that she did not like interruptions as well. She disliked unnecessary conversation; it brings up the worry of accidentally letting personal information slip through.

"It's late, shouldn't you get some rest? Surely the test results can wait until tomorrow morning?"

She knew the question was asked more as a hopeful plead to return home rather than genuine concern of her well being, but she gave what she knew would be a satisfactory answer. "Go ahead, go home and get some rest. I'm staying awhile longer."

Her assistant hurried to grab her coat and rushed out, not giving her the slightest chance of changing her mind.

She sneezed. _Hakase must be nagging at me._ She thought, a wistful smile gracing her face.

She is now alone in the grey, rather lifeless laboratory, which thankfully is relatively small so that it didn't add to the emptiness.

She didn't mind being alone. Or if she did, she was long since used to it. Being in the lab alone somehow feels a lot less lonesome than tossing and turning on the bed the small apartment she owned. Work kept her busy. She needed to be busy.

She was reasonably pleased with her life now. She worked as the assistant researcher of a rich senior professor whose fame and achievements were actually contributed by the unnamed researchers that worked for him. The professor had next to no talent in the field of science, but the wealthy family that raised him made up for that.

She looked down on the professor, but did not turn down the job. She does not seek credit for her work, and her boss cares little about her background, so long as she's intelligent. She was given an assistant, a lab of her own, and enough pay to let her afford an apartment triple the size of the place she lives now.

She was able to buy what she wants, live as she wants. She is content.

_Content._ She tells herself time and time again.

There was one thing she didn't have in her new world. Friends. She didn't even try to get along with her fellow researchers. She knew they mocked her about working over time when she knew she would not be appreciated for her work. She knew they debated over whether she was having an affair with their boss, or if she was simply a crazy nerd who couldn't leave the lab for a second.

"Either way it's a pity, she had the looks and that body and all." She heard a male staff comment once. He had to take a week off due to a mysterious illness soon afterwards.

She didn't care. Somehow she refused to allow herself get friendly with people here, as if avoiding everything that will make her happy enough to want to stay there forever. Something inside of her refused to let herself be as happy as she was in Tokyo, not that _that_ could ever happen.

The phone rang outside. She didn't bother to stir from her seat, waiting for the receptionist to take the call. She did not get calls, anyway.

On the sixth ring she was reminded of how late it was, and that the receptionist gets off at six. Feeling a little bit more than annoyed, she got up to answer. Who calls at this time of night?

"Hello?"

She was met with silence. She narrowed her eyes, now truly annoyed. "Hello?" she said again.

She was about to dismiss the call as a prank and hang up when she heard his hesitant voice.

"Shiho?"

It wasn't… it couldn't be….

"K-Kudo?" Her brain had frozen somehow. It was his voice. The voice she had missed and longed to hear for so long.

"Shiho, is it really you!?"

She smiled. It was the truest smile that had ever graced her face in a year. "I see I've been found, tantei-san."

She threw away her resolve to leave him behind, settling herself into the receptionist's desk fully expecting a long night, or rather morning now, of conversations that she had missed to a point where she found herself conversing to thin air when she was alone.

It was then when she realized why she could not allow herself to feel comfortable in America.

She smiled, ever so softly. She thought of him, thought of Hakase, thought of the Shonen Tantei.

She was already tied down.

**A/N: That's the ending, hope you enjoyed it. I've asked Mikki Mouse to give a once over on the grammar, but I'm posting this here first, and I'll make changes as soon as I see a reply. Stay tuned for specials in the next chapter!**


	4. remebrance SP

**Hello, this chapter is not written by me. It is written by my dear friend Uninspired Author. It's a fanficion of a fanfiction, and I'm very flattered that he took the time to write this. Enjoy, and go tell him what you think!!**

The room she was working in was dimly lit, but her eyes had long adapted to the lack of light. There was no sound save for the pencil scraping against the paper. She was alone, but she had long learned to cope with that factor as well. The damn organization had forced her to do so.  
Her watched beeped signaling another hour had passed. It was now two in the morning; somewhere in the back of her mind something reminded her to get some decent sleep. No urgent matters required her to stay awake and she was now accustomed with the time difference.  
Still… the final results would appear within half an hour, so she reasoned it wouldn't hurt to stay up a bit longer. As she stood to stretch, her eyes caught sight of a book resting on top of one of the tables. Vaguely remembering one of her colleagues was carrying it earlier, she reached for it and skimmed the back.  
It was an ordinary novel, but the specific genre had-no still did hold significance to her. The face of a smiling teenager around her age flashed. Moments later, the image of a boy who looked similar to the teenager resurfaced. 'Kudo-kun,' she thought wryly as she opened the book and began to flip through the pages out of sheer boredom, 'only you would leave this type of impression. I'm plagued to think of you whenever I see a mystery novel."  
His presence didn't leave bad influences however. She found herself at ease when she stood beside him. She found a place where she belonged. She had found someone that understood her. She found that she could see the world through his eyes, even though there were disagreements. Most important of all however, she found an invaluable friend that she would give up everything and die for.  
How long had it been since they had taken the antidote then brought down the organization? Not very long, but that portion of her life seemed so far away and almost out of reach. How long had it been since she ran away and made her way here? Two weeks.  
The opening case in the story shook her, striking her like a hammering blow and she found herself recalling one particular case she had witnessed. One where the murder had been caused by something they weren't used to seeing. It wasn't one of spite, vengeance, or anger, but one caused by something else that wasn't entirely the killer's fault.  
_"What makes me different?" _

That one question she asked made her realize something while her question began to develop itself into a conversation. Once he was left speechless, something began to dawn on her. He was changing as he peered through her view of the world. Kudo Shinichi was fading and Edogawa Conan was gradually becoming the dominant persona. Upon realizing this fact, she began to wonder if he noticed this change he was undergoing.  
Aware that her influence (unlike his) wasn't going to lead up to anything but problems, she began to redouble her efforts in searching for an antidote. That point of her life was a blur, but she remembered working herself to the point where portions of her memories seemed to blur.  
The only coherent thought that rang through her mind was that it needed to be done now. She needed to repair as much as possible from the damage she had done. She needed to stop the guilt that raced through her mind. She needed to move along with her life before she became too attached to him.  
It was too late for the last goal however. He had become the closest person that lived in her heart after the death of his sister. If it were her choice, then she'd wish that Edogawa Conan would forever replace Kudo Shinichi. Then things could remain as it was: teasing him, helping the Shoen Tantei, and growing up with the Hakase. Sadly all good things needed to come to end and so on the day she finally completed the antidote, something inside her cracked. A horrible wrenching sensation coursed through her emotions. Her hands continued to shake as she balled her shrunken into fists.  
When was the last time she had actually seen his face, regardless it being Kudo Shinichi or Edogawa Conan? Her question was answered within a second: After the fall of the Organization. He had been unconscious after he had taken a bullet from Ran. When was the last time they had talked? That question was pointless, since it was forever embedded in her memory.

_'Shiho where are you?" came his relieved voice after the first few seconds of initial surprise. She took note of the fact that he was now referring to her by her real name.  
She opened her mouth to give a straightforward answer, but at the very last second her old habits took over, "Why don't you figure it out Metantei-san?" It was easier to just hang up and run away from it all, but her conscious prevented her from pulling it off. Though she hadn't managed to work up the strength for a face-to-face goodbye, this was the next best thing.  
"This isn't a game, do you know how worried I was? Ran told me you went home, but you weren't there and the Hakase said he hadn't seen you for several hours!"  
"At the airport," she said after a moment. It was all she could manage before choking down a sob. She would not cry. She had told herself from the moment that the antidote was completed that she had nothing left. She should have been ready for this farewell.  
"Wait, Shiho don't…!"  
"Flight 427 will depart in five minutes. Please board the plane immediately."  
, "I love you," it should have been stated powerfully. A bold and clear statement, but the emotional turmoil she was locked in reduced the three words to a feeble whisper. She didn't bother to wait for his response as she gently hung up.  
A lone tear slid from her eye and down her cheek as she walked towards the key to a new life. There was no indication of sadness on Shiho Miyano's face when she boarded the plane, but once she was in her seat, the emotional dam cracked and she cried freely.  
_  
She had dropped all contact with him after that in fear that he would find her and promptly drag her back to Japan. She had promised to leave everything behind and start anew. She told herself it was best to leave behind the Shoen Tantei, the Hakase, and him.  
Was he doing well now? Was he with Ran? Millions of questions raced through his mind, but had he forgiven her? Did he hate her? He wasn't as cruel as any of the Organization members, but his anger had scared her. His hatred for her during their first encounter left an impression on her. She would never ever cause those destructive emotions to rise again.  
Her watch beeped signaling another hour had passed. She blinked finding it harder to keep them open. She really did need to get some sleep. The results were now clear and the experiment had taken longer than she had anticipated.  
It was currently three in the morning, meaning that he was probably having dinner with Ran. As she sleepily placed everything back where they belonged she found herself regretting the choice she had made after everything that had been resolved. It was too late go back now though, and after all she'd be breaking her promise if she did. She'd never interfere with his life again.  
The phone in the lab abruptly rang snapping Shiho out of her daze. Glaring at the ringing piece of machinery, her mind began to curse whoever was dim enough to call at this hour. Perhaps it was her colleague, he always knew she'd stay up late and was probably going to ask if the novel was there. Slowly, she trudged towards the phone casting another glare at it before picking it up.  
"Hello?" she murmured warily. She had caught herself before she said it in a different language and changed it to English. She wasn't in Japan anymore. She wasn't with them anymore either.  
There was no reply on the other end. Already having a minimal amount of sleep for the past few days, Shiho Miyano was not feeling utterly patient. "Baka," she muttered about to slam the phone forcefully down on the receiver before someone called her name. Her eyes widened in surprise and she was instantly awake.

Unable to suppress a smile or the tears she sat down anticipating another sleepless night.  
She didn't care and she listened to the sound of his voice. She could survive another day without rest. The promise was no longer seemed to exist and she began to talk herself, while listening to the familiar, comforting voice of Kudo Shinichi.


End file.
